My involvement with Mankind Project (MKP): 21 months later

Back in February of 2013 I wrote about my experience with the New Warrior Training Adventure:  https://triptopine.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/mankind-project-new-warrior-training-adventure-2/

How’s my life now? I’m glad you asked! Life for me has gotten better and better each day; not so much because I’m not dealing with struggle (wife’s cancer diagnosis 11 months ago, chemo for 6 months, doing well now); but rather, because now I am part of a larger community… not just a ‘lone wolf’ out there surviving a ‘cruel world’. (That’s how I used to see things.)

Since I wrote that initial MKP article, I have quit a job that had become a bad fit; spent a year doing part-time work and learning more about who I am; and then found my dream job. I’ve been there a little over a year now.

In addition, I’ve done something I would NEVER have done before MKP: I’ve begun volunteering, in a leadership capacity, for a local conference for preparing 8th grade boys for high school (character development… what does it mean to be a man…). In the past, I have avoided opportunities like this, because I believed that being a leader meant 1) having all of the answers; 2) telling people what to do; and 3) giving up all of one’s time. I thought it would lead to misery, because that’s what I saw all around me.

But the fact is, I feel more alive and energized than ever. I don’t need to have all the answers; I invite brilliant people onto our team. I don’t tell people what to do; I ask questions and offer invitations. 3) I don’t give up all my time; I invest in building relationships with people I admire and respect. It feels amazing.

Sitting in my weekly MKP circle has helped me to build strong relationships with other men in my community, and around the country. Before, I felt isolated, like no one could POSSIBLY understand my pain or sadness. Now I can pick up the phone and easily call 100 men and ask for what I need (knowing I might not get it). And there are MKP men I haven’t even MET yet whom I trust with my truth and my heart. I know they will be real with me, and I can be real with them.

This is the hero’s journey. This is YOUR hero’s journey. You are the hero of your own life. For thousands of years, men like you and me have heard the call of the hero’s journey, and for a time, we resist. That’s what EVERY hero does, initially. I can tell you I was invited to do the NWTA for 3 1/2 years before I decided I was ready to answer the call. And what IS the New Warrior Training Adventure? Simply put, it’s an initiation into the mature masculine.

A few times, I came close to losing out on life. Now I’m so much happier, even when it feels like things are not going my way.

For more information, contact me directly: timbirchard@gmail.com

Drive the bus to excellence

Dawn dawns, and all things go on, as usual. This is the way of things. It is not meant to be ugly, or controlling. It just is. If, when we walk down the street, there is nothing to think about, then is the street still a street? It is not thought of; it just is. A street. A journey path. An awakening to a newness that only comes without thought. Clouds roll. Wind blows. And in your experience, you want for other things… for the wind not to blow, or for the clouds not to block the sun. There is no sense in these thoughts of other things, for they only cause pain. Lack. Nothing of any use can come from them. How else does one think of ways of being in the world without useless thoughts? By hope of better things?

No. It is by belief.

By trust. Exuberant trust. Trust beyond all things possible and into the next millennium. Trust lays a bed out that is soft and welcoming and warm. It is the fear of lack of safety that is the enemy of trust. And trust is the stronger of the two. For it opens up the life experience to limitless… Absolutely limitless possibilities. With trust, all things become possible. Trust will drive the bus to excellence. The bus that does not know where it is going, and knows that it will eventually arrive somewhere. It trusts so much that it does not matter. There is no anxiety. No fear. No lack. Only openness to each and every moment.

“Oh. Here we are. Look at the view! See the present! Eat some delicious food. And rest and see what comes next.”

Trusting that there is only safety and security and compassion and presence. You say this trust is too difficult to find. We say it is not to be found, for it was never lost. Where is the deepest root of trust? It must be within, for it cannot come from without.

Nothing to gain; nothing to lose

Do you feel as though you are running a race? That somehow, if you could just accomplish, gain, or achieve some worldly goal, that you could finally relax and be happy?

I remind you that on this playing field, where you perceive yourself (The One) to be manifold and separate, there is nothing to be gained, accomplished, nor achieved. Only remembered.

I invite you to ask yourself, what is mine? Is that car in the driveway mine? The day will come when it will deteriorate, cease to function, and no longer be of ‘value’ the way it is now. It is temporary. Finite. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Therefore, it is unreal.

When does this sandwich become ‘mine’? After I pay for it? After I make it with my own hands? After I eat it? It becomes part of this physical body, so certainly it must be ‘mine’, right?

No. Not only do we eliminate waste from the physical body, but the molecules of the human body are constantly being replaced, themselves. Everything we have is on loan. We are simply stewards. Even of these physical bodies. Especially of these physical bodies.

You mistake yourself to be the human body. Then you mistake yourself to be that which serves the human body. (Fashion. Status.) Then you fear losing what is ‘yours’. When, in reality, nothing is yours. And everything is yours.

On this playing field, you perceive nine players. But you are actually all of them. You are the team. And the field. There is only One, and you are that One. Not “you” as your small mind perceives, but the true You: the heart. The Source of Love.

Again, I remind you: this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with religious belief. With cults. Or with any system of leadership or followership on the planet. This is not a call to arms against anyone or anything.

As there appear to be 7 billion lives on this planet, so let there appear to be 7 billion journeys on 7 billion separate paths, all of which lead home, back to the undeniable, unshakable truth: What appears to be 7 billion separate lives is actually a manifestation of One Life.

Live the life that is right for you, remembering that there is no “other.”

Follow the spiritual path that feels right for you (including none at all), remembering that ‘separate’ is actually an illusion.

Do the work that makes your heart sing, remembering that each face is a facet of the same diamond.

Engage in the struggles, triumphs, defeats, and sacrifices with all of your passion, remembering always that it’s happening in a dream from which you will awaken. Guaranteed.

Look inward, and seek those blind spots in your life, in your personality — those places where the small mind keeps you on edge, restless, uncertain, unhappy, stagnant, and complacent. Find these voices in you that say, “I love this; I hate that.” “I’m better than him; I’m not as good as him.” “I am right; they are wrong.”

Recognize these voices for what they are: aspects of the small mind, where the ego resides.

Remember also that the intellect is a tool, like a monkey wrench. When it’s time to do your taxes, or go shopping for food, the intellect is a valuable tool.

Need to work on some nuts and bolts? Monkey wrench is a great tool for the job.

But when we forget that the intellect was designed to be in the service of the heart, then we create our own suffering. It’s like making the monkey wrench the boss. Like trying to use a monkey wrench to hammer nails… to cut wood… to mop up water.

We end up beating ourselves over the head, trying desperately to get ahead, and wondering why we’re so unhappy all the time.

So, to review:

Step One: Get quiet and listen to your heart. There’s no gaining or losing anything real in this plane of existence. Use your talents to be of service in the world. Give love freely. When in doubt, focus on gratitude.

Step Two: Use your intellect in service to your heart.

Step Three: Relax. Your True Self can never be injured, threatened, nor killed.

Smile. Love. And remember.

The meaning of life. And other heavy stuff.

Recently I received a quick note from someone I care about very much. (Keep in mind, this portion is taken out of context. Still, I think it’s important.)

“I really don’t think what I say, or think, or suggest, or will to do matters at all.

I don’t really own anything (I do have a few toys to pacify me though).

No one is interested in my opinion, nor is it worth anything.

I have no power at my job.

I have no power at home.

I have no power in my community.

I’m a drone.

I share this subconscious truth with almost every man I come in contact with.”

First, I want to reassure you, Gentle Reader, that moments later, in follow-up e-mails, we were joking and teasing each other, just like we’ve been doing for the past 27 years. He’s doing fine, and he’s surrounded by people who love him. (Like me.)

But his message really touched me, and made me wonder… To what extent do each of us carry these thoughts/feelings around with us from day to day?

My longtime, dear and trusted Friend,

Hmmmm….

Well, if we’re talking on a “universe” level, then I can see where you’re coming from. I’m just a speck of dust. And “I” may be no more than a collection of preferences.

At the same time, while I hear where you’re coming from, and while I can understand the motivation behind it, still I do find reasons to love, to laugh, to create.

I think creating beauty and celebrating beauty matters. My connection with you is part of that celebration.

Even if I’m only a speck of dust, I still have the power to love others. To connect with others. To express hope, fear, joy, sadness, wonder…

And when I write and record a song and someone else listens to it, there’s a chance they might connect. There’s a chance they might walk around humming the chorus. What is it that lives on through that humming? If I’m singing a song you wrote, what is it that lives on through my singing?

I remember believing that it was important to be remembered. I no longer believe this. Instead, I’m coming to believe that it’s important to pour myself out, again and again, through music. Through service. Through connection.

And it seems that the very moment that I quit thinking about reaching the goal of “creating meaning in my life” and I simply sink into whatever I’m doing (now writing lyrics; now building chord progression; now erasing words; now thinking of a word that rhymes; now standing up to stretch), that is the moment when the meaning really shines.

Ha ha… I’m reminded of a day a couple years ago when I was riding my mountain bike down the back side of Dry Fork. In my inexperienced, vacation-celebrating haste, I was barreling down the side of the mountain, holding on for dear life. I saw nothing but the rocks right ahead of me; the bushes on either side of me; the single track unfolding before me. Every ounce of my concentration was focused on adjusting to the ever-shifting situation. I grinned, and for one split second, I wondered what my buddy (see top of post) would think if he could see me now. That very moment, my front wheel disappeared off the right side of the track (hidden by the overgrowth).

Face, meet Earth.

What about you? How do you create meaning in your life, and what role does music play in that process?