Bayonette Love (by guest lecturer Chris Birchard)

85 degrees , Austin, February, outside.

How to Change a Radiator on a Toyota Model 2000
Get real greasy. Have fun in some grease and then roll around real good in some good ol’ antifreeze and transmission fluid (because this IS an automatically controlled transmission!) Put grease and pebbles and other substances in your hair then roll around on the concrete or in the dirt.
Fly. Go away to another country in your mind and stroll around naked and roll in soft mud. Masturbate with real grease. Hum hymns. Lie. Lie around with your face dropped on by  gritty specks, reaching around for the lost, slippery wrench. But have fun!
1): “Disassemble front half of vehicle”
2):”Install new radiator”
3):”Do everything in reverse that you did in forward before.”
So… we were cruising along Mexican Highway, “Eagle Pass to Torreon” (Former home-base of the revolutionistic outlaw Senor Pancho Villa) and we were doing good and everything, even talking up a storm, when we came to a desert… Nothing but sand and mountains on each side of the road with an endless sky above, clouds everywhere, but on this day dry sand below my wheels.
And then, I don’t quite remember exactly when, but, Al, my bro-in-law, said he had to go pee.
I said, ” Al, we can’t, we’re running out of gas.”
He said, “We can, or I’ll just go out the window.”
I pulled over and shut down the vehicle’s engine. Here we were, wife, daughter, bro, and me almost out of gas and in the desert.
Improvise. I stopped at the only place around and offered $20 for a gallon of gas and the cutthroats looked at me
funny. Al said don’t do that any more.
So we moved on. Saw a lot of vehicles sporting natural gas engines and mountains with places built for the saints and angels to remain secure in their holiness by the humans that inhabit the region.
If we broke down, we were to be their bait.
We rode a hundred miles through empty desert on empty and prayed a lot to a not-quite-forgotten God.
When we get to the gas station, I say, “Thank You, God, for putting an extra-large reserve tank on this vehicle!”
Bayonette Love
A woman needs a man for three basic reasons…
1) Because when she moves she need a man to carry her clothes and furniture to another place.
2) A woman needs a man to repair her vehicle when it breaks down. (She doesn’t wanna get grease under her nails, does she???)
3) Well, I forget #3, but a woman is also in need of a man then, too.

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